Redefining Success

Our culture teaches us that we need to strive for success. That we need to always be accomplishing and outdoing both ourselves and others. Nothing is ever enough. Success in this paradigm is based on competition, being a workaholic, and giving up your life so that you feel you have “made it”. 

But when do you know if you’ve “made it”? When happiness and contentment is always “out there”, we are always striving for a goal that is just out of reach. It could be argued that this paradox is by design. To keep us distracted. To keep us striving for something we don’t yet have. A destination addiction to some fanciful mirage off out in the distance that only seems to dissipate as we get closer— only to re-materialize just across the horizon, pulling us onward in a perpetual longing for something we will never have. 

But is success an amount in your bank account? Abundant material possessions? Is it accolades or likes on social media? Is it notoriety? So many people have those things and are still absolutely miserable. 

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Shouldn’t the true sign of success be how happy you are? How big and full your heart is? How content you are with what you have no matter what that is? Are you being your most authentic self and pursuing your own higher purpose? 

Many ancient teachings stress that happiness is an internal state of being, not something outside of yourself. And this framework is completely unique to each individual. 

We’ve all met those people who are in horrible situations and seem confusingly happy. Those who laugh and joke on their deathbed. As we sit in bewildered disbelief at the irony of it all.

What have they figured out that many of us haven’t? Quite possibly, what they have figured out is that happiness is what is important, and that happiness is a choice. 

If we are not pursuing our subjective purpose, and happiness, in each moment, it can be argued that we are failing, not succeeding, regardless of our financial or social status.

Are we loving deeply and genuinely, learning as much as we can, helping other people? Are we pushing our own boundaries on our own terms and at our own pace instead of trying to to do what’s expected by society or those around us?

Growth is important. Ultimately important. But if it’s not on one’s own terms, as they need it, not nearly as effective, nor internalized in meaningful way. 

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We are too hard on ourselves. We are engaged in a race where the finish line is an illusion.

The journey is all there is, so we can view it as competition where we must all best all those around us in a blind alienating race to “win” or “succeed”, or we can view it as a cooperative learning experience where we try and soak up as much joy, knowledge, and experience as we can, while we look for opportunities to love, grow, experience, and remain as playful and curious as possible. 

Happiness is the new metric of success, and happiness is a choice. 

(written Autumn 2018)